Friday, February 13, 2009

I was a Woman before I was a Mother

Valentines Day is really a funny day if you think about it. I think it highlights the differences between men and women.  To illustrate this, I'm going to tell you all about a little conversation that occurred in my house today.  This morning, I explained to my husband that I have no need for a gift this year, rather I just want some alone time with him.  Until October, we had spent a year in another state away from family and I literally had not had one day without our daughter. We did not date for an entire year, essentially.  Since moving back, really we've stayed in this same rut with very little alone time and times when my daughter has been at grandma's we've spent on "self" time such as my taking a bubble bath, reading, or etc. Really, when I think about it...the last time we had a truly romantic night was when I was pregnant with my daughter and she is 2.5.  So, this morning I informed him that the only thing I desired was for him to plan a romantic night for us.  Well, this kind of threw him into a bit of a panic.  He's not a guy who's strongpoint is planning dates alone.  He does fine with flowers, chocolates, jewelry gifts and etc. but the gift of time and planning is where he has difficulty.  So, I watched him surf the net for ideas for the next 3 hours...getting nowhere. Finally, I decided to help him out a bit explaining that I didn't need the opera, five star restaurant, or a carriage ride. I would be fine with him renting an old movie and just watching a love movie.  However, this didn't seem to appease him--I suppose it just wasn't enough.  I will admit that I shed tears on my bedroom floor, hurt that he couldn't come up with an idea of how we could spend a romantic night. I wanted the idea to come from the heart and not the wallet. Then, I turned on Dr. Phil and discovered that this same predicament may be occurring throughout homes all over the world.  The show did a poll and it was something like 85% of women wanted their husband to plan a romantic evening and for the male poll 85% just wanted sex.  Anyway, I realized that I don't have the only husband who is clueless about planning a romantic night.  I on the other hand, realize I'm clueless about him as well. I was asking him about various gift ideas-cigar, new robe, boxers, and etc. The show pointed out what I think he was too afraid to say...uh..."adult" time is his only desire.  Now, I have a man who can be romantic. Last year he made me a cd of love songs that remind me of him. I've come home to rose petals starting at the door. The way he first told me he loved me was to write it in candy kisses laid out after all! So, I'm a bit perplexed as to why he's always had such a hard time planning dates.  We have really let romance die down since having a daughter. Some of the reason was pure necessity as we had no one we trusted to watch her. However, I know it is important but its seemed difficult to get back into the swing of things. My New Years resolution was to have a sexier year. The reason I chose this is because most of my time is spent in sweat pants, no makeup, and my hair in a ponytail.  I've become a frumpy mommy who has totally lost her sex appeal.  I think this is part of the reason I need this night so badly...a chance to wear a dress, put on the good perfume, wear my hair down...and remember I was a woman before I was a mother.  Anyone else feel this way?

3 comments:

Briana said...

I just have to comment! What you wrote... I could have written. I can slightly forgive my husband now. It helps just knowing it might be a normal guy thing for him to be so clueless. :-)

Super Fun Mama said...

My histrionics worked. We had a perfect Valentines Day. Now, according to my husband, he had it planned for days. He said he could have either let me cry or blow the whole surprise. He ended up getting me flowers, renting 2 love movies, balloons, and planned a candlelight wine/fine cheese tasting party. It was very romantic and sweet...so I was happy. Honestly, I really wonder if he did actually plan it or if he didn't until I got upset. The most important thing was ALONE time. It was so nice to have an adult evening! I hope you had a great Valentines Day too. Thanks so much for leaving a comment. I'm off to look at your blog now...

Fun Mama - Deanna said...

Ah, adult time! The only dates we've had in the last two years were double-dates. Glad you had a good time!!