MY BODY BELONGS TO ME: Talking with Preschoolers about Sexual Abuse

For those of you who do not know, I am a therapist.  Many of the clients I see have been sexually abused.  As parents, we think that such a horrible offense could never happen to our children.  The fact is that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys experience sexual abuse.  Think for a minute about your child’s playgroup…statistics  tell us that a child in that playgroup is being sexually abused.  That adds a whole new perspective to it doesn’t it? Ninety-three percent of the abusers are not strangers but in the child’s “circle of trust”.  I can tell you that from the individuals I have counseled, many of them started being abused when they were preschool age.  You can not wait to talk to your children about sexual abuse-the time must be now.

I have found a wonderful little book that will aide you in talking to your children about sexual abuse called “My Body Belongs To Me”, written by Jill Starishevsky and illustrated by Sara Muller.   I personally own about 10 different books about sexual abuse, but this has quickly become my favorite. 

The writing is perfect for little ones with rhyming such as “Mom and Dad once told me I was their little gem, and if someone hurt me to always come to them.”  The illustrations feature an adorable child that looks to be about preschool age, making the story more appealing to the younger audience.  The child is gender neutral in the way they look, so this book can appeal to either a boy or girl.  What I like most about this book is that it doesn’t address sexual abuse metaphorically or hint around it-it just straight out says that someone tries to touch the child: “My uncle’s friend came over and sat down next to me, and touched me in that place that no one else can see.”  It also addresses that many sexual abusers attempt to keep their victim quiet, telling them it is a secret.  The child runs to her parents who tell them they are proud of her for telling and how brave she is.  Children need to hear this because many keep the secret out of fear parental reaction. 

I see most parents telling their children the names of their body parts…but so often that conversation doesn’t expand to telling the children that they have private parts that belong to them.  How is it that our children are taught their colors, alphabet, and how to read…but not how to protect themselves? So often, I’ve asked the parents of abused children if they talked to their children about sexual abuse and their responses are sometimes “I thought he was too young”, “I was a stay-at-home mom so I didn’t think there would be an opportunity for it to happen to her”, “I didn’t think she’d understand”, or “I was going to—I thought he needed to be a little older”.  PLEASE realize that your children could be at risk.   The abuser could be the person who watches your children in the church nursery, the neighbor who is always so friendly, the wonderful teacher, or another child on the playground.  Child abusers are groomers and manipulators-they know EXACTLY what to do to make your children trust them.  I urge you to prepare your little ones. 

Talking to young children about sexual abuse without a book or some kind of age appropriate tool is very difficult.  This book gives the perfect message you want to get across-your child has private parts, no one has the right to touch these areas, the abuser may ask to child to keep a secret, the child should run and tell a trusted adult,  the parents will think the child is brave for telling, and the child will feel good about telling. 

 

If you plan on purchasing a book for your child soon…perhaps you can hold off on another book about ABC’s, princesses, or trains…and get a book they need to hear. 

You can order this book for $14.95 at http://mybodybelongstome.com/cart/.

To view sample pages, please click here.  

Have you Tickled Tut’s Toes or Caught Picasso’s Rooster?

Recently, I found two wonderful books that I am in love with.  They are both part of “Touch the Art” series by Julie Appel and Amy Guglielmo. 

The first, “Catch Picasso’s Rooster” features pictures of animals from the World’s Greatest Artists.  Some of the paintings included are The Rooster by Picasso, The Tabby by Rousseau, and Two Rats by Vincent van Gogh.

I am a huge fan of young children being exposed to great artists.  Exposure to art fosters imagination, creativity, and appreciation for beauty.  I believe imagination is one of the greatest gifts any person can be granted.  Thus, when I find books that expose children to masters of art, I get a wee bit excited. 

Now, having art books for children is a great idea…but children need a way to jump into the painting.  This book features touchable art such as stroking fur, tickling whiskers, or blowing feathers.  There is also a scratch and sniff page (so very cool to me)!

When I asked my 3 year old to give her thoughts about Catch Picasso’s Rooster  she said, “Yes, this is a good book.  It is fun and funny.”  Indeed, she giggled throughout the book. 

At the end of the book there is a section entitled Artifacts that give facts about the paintings and artists.  I have learned so much from these pages.  It’s great to have a children’s book that both preschoolers and their parents can learn from. 

Tickle Tut’s Toes is about historical art from Ancient Egypt such as wall paintings from tombs, mummy coffins, pyramids, and more.  Like the book reviewed above all of the art is touchable such as Nefertiti’s jewels, the gauze on a mummy, and ridged cardboard on a pyramid.  I don’t think Ancient Art could possibly have been introduced to preschoolers in a better way.  This book also has the artifacts section where parents and children can learn about the art featured in the book.  For example, did you know Tilapia were the symbol of rebirth, that Egyptians placed model boats inside coffins to carry the soul to the afterlife, or that crocodiles used to be mummified because they were considered holy? I didn’t but a book for preschoolers taught me. Yeah!

Both of these books are wonderfully sturdy board books that can easily handle rough care by a preschooler or even a few chews by a puppy, as we recently found out. 

The recommended age is 4-6, but my three year old loves them.  Most board books are too babyish for my daughter now, but I miss the sturdiness they brought.  I believe she would have enjoyed these books from at least age 2 (if not earlier) and will still be enjoying them for a few years to come. 

The books are sold in many stores or you can buy them online at Amazon.com. 

Er-u-di-tion

I am so pleased to tell you all about a wonderful game called Er-u-di-tion.  It helps preschoolers-school aged children learn to read.  Children learn the letters of the alphabet and eventually 284 sight words while moving through literacy land.  For every correct identification, they earn a bonus roll.  The first player to reach the library wins.

The game cards comprise up to 90% of beginner level reading material and over 50% of all English text. Er-u-di-tion helps children recognize these high frequency words, recognize phonetically irregular words, your children will learn definitions of the words, and most of all is actually fun!

Learning games have to look fun and appeal visually to children and this fun game does just that.  It reminds me a bit of candy land, which all children love! This game isn’t just for readers, but preschoolers learning the letters of the alphabet as well.  There are different sets of cards for the varying reading levels, meaning the whole family can play together. 

This is the perfect activity to teach little ones to read because it has easy set up, is fun, and does produce results.  I couldn’t be happier with this wonderful game.  I’m not the only one who loves this game as it has won several awards including Creative Child Magazine Game of the Year, Teacher’s Choice Award for the Classroom, National Parenting Center Seal of Approval, and Parent’s Choice Award. 

This is is definite hit at my house. I’m so pleased to hear my daughter begging for “just one more game” of er-u-di-tion, because I know it is helping her learn how to read. 

If you want to get your own game, it is $24.99 at http://www.sightwordsgame.com/

Daddy Long Legs Blues

I despise bugs.  I can’t convince myself to like them even in the pursuit of teaching Zhana about science.  They make me queasy to be around.  We once saw a display of  hissing cockroaches and I couldn’t eat for the rest of the day.  I mean I really, really hate bugs.  Well, there are a few exceptions.  I don’t mind cute little lady bugs, butterflies, walking sticks…actually come to think of it there are several that I don’t mind.  I don’t mind Daddy Long Legs.  Even if I did mind Daddy Long Legs, I think I’d still like this book.

This book reads to a rhythm that resembles a blues melody.  When you read it, you can’t help but take on a deep voice like someone in a dark blues club.  Here’s a sample-“He can’t spin a web like those fancy spiders do. His daddy was a wanderer and his momma was, too.  He hatched from an egg his momma laid in a crack just before she got squashed in the back of a shack.  He has the blues.  The Daddy Longlegs Blues.  Try not to channel you inner blues persona, I dare you to try!

The illustrations are great! They are bright, fun, and will definitely keep your little one amused. The pictures are hip! The art is described by the publisher as “witty art features plenty of fun details and an urban, bohemian flair; her sunglasses-wearing title character seems to come straight out of the Beat generation.” 

At the back of the book is a Glossary of Blues Terms such as Muddy Waters: “The famous blues musician dubbed ‘King of Chicago Blues,’ Muddy Waters is credited for shifting the rural acoustic blues to the urban blues in the late 1940s.” There is also a glossary for musical instruments played by Daddy Longlegs.    It was pretty exciting to learn a few things from a children’s book. 

This book is deemed appropriate for ages 4 and up BUT my 3 year old loves it immensely.  If this book doesn’t win some kind of award this year, I’ll be singing the blues myself. 

This wonderful book is available online and in stores for $14.95. 

Stepping Stones Toddlers Can Make

I suppose my blog is in synchronicity with the season, in that our learning activities have really decreased since we choose to spend most of our time unscheduled and with outside play.  I’ve went back to work part time and my daughter is going to preschool two days a week during that time.  We are still doing a lot but it tends to be unscheduled and without a camera.  Winter is so very long, so I want to take full advantage of being outside.  So many Summer activities do not seem to welcome the addition of a camera.  Take yesterday, we went swimming at the river, but I worried about the camera getting wet so it was left at home.  However, I actually do have a project to post today! This project was supposed to have been completed for Father’s Day but I was really sick around that time so it was put off for a while.  

At one point I had the directions on my computer, but they seem to have disappeared so I’m going to post this by memory.  The only things you need are some QuickCrete, a bucket, a shovel to stir the concrete, stones to embellish, and some plastic plant saucers. 

1. Going by the directions on the Quickcrete bag, add a little water until the consistency is like brownie batter.  Here is where I made a huge mistake.  Mixing the concrete was a little more difficult than I’d thought it would be, so I added way too much water.  This made it difficult to add the fingerprints. 
2. Once the batter is ready, pour it into the plant saucers.  Let it sit for about 30 minutes before adding stones or handprints.
3. Have your little one set their hands down to make fingerprints.  Immediately wash their hands.  This is also the time to have your little one add marbles, rocks, shells, or however else they want to decorate the stones. 
4. We still have plenty of Quickcrete to make more stones.  Next time, we won’t add so much water and hopefully we can write on the stones.
5. Let them sit for about 2 days.
6. I didn’t coat my saucers with Pam but I’ve heard that if you do that you can reuse the saucers.  I simply tore mine off.

Great project for your little ones to decorate that costs under $10!

Zhana’s 3rd Birthday

Well…my baby is no longer my baby. Until she turned 3, I did still think of her as a baby. Now, she’s a little girl! I can’t believe it has been 3 years.  Here’s a montage of her day…

Dear Zhana,

Tonight I think about the night you were born.  For 9 months, you were a part of me and I knew you before you were born.  I can’t explain it but I knew your personality.  Throughout my pregnancy, I listened to Enya’s Wild Child. Somehow, I knew you were going to be a little firecracker.  I must remember to honor your firecracker spirit and to not get frustrated with you.  I honor these qualities about you because I believe they will lend to you a strong will, persistence, and leadership qualities. 

So, what are you like as a 3 year old? You want to do everything your self and I do mean everything.  If I open a door, you close it so that you can open it yourself.  Your favorite food is still meat products, as it has always been. It is a good thing you weren’t born into a vegetarian family! You also adore your chocolate milk.  Your favorite show is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Mommy tried to limit tv to educational shows but one morning you caught it and immediately fell in love.  You also love anything faerie and princess.  In fact, it is because of faerie panties that you were finally potty trained! We started potty training before you were even 2, but you weren’t all that interested.  You fully understood the concept but would actually say that you didn’t want to stop playing, so you’d just use your pull-up.  I bought you some faerie panties and you loved them so much, you stopped wearing a pull up. You love to make people laugh and are a clown most of the time.  You are in a stage right now, where you are Bolt (a dog) about 95% of the time. In fact, you are play barking even as a write this.  You still sleep with us every night.  Your father and I like you there with us, knowing you are safe and being able to cuddle with you.  People tell us we need to move you out or you’ll never leave, but none of us are ready for that.  In some ways, I treat you like you are older than you are and in other ways I very much baby you.  You love to be outside swinging or playing in your sandbox.  You very much enjoy our school time together.  You tell me that I’m your best friend. I hope you always feel that way, my daughter.  Happy Birthday Zhanabear. 

Last Minute Independence Day Crafts

This holiday really came fast for me.  This is the first holiday all year that we haven’t had several crafts for.  It’s the day before the 4th and not a single craft has been done.  Well, we plan to do a couple today. If there are other craft slackers out there, here are some ideas I found online…

Tye Die T Shirts: http://www.alphamom.com/holiday/2009/07/tie_dye_tees_for_the_4th_of_ju.php

Fourth of July Confetti Popper Rockets!: http://www.alphamom.com/holiday/2009/06/make_your_own_fourth_of_july_c.php

Sidewalk chalk stars: http://www.alphamom.com/holiday/2009/06/sidewalk_chalk_stars_1.php

Americana Craft Round Up: http://www.makeandtakes.com/americana-crafty-round-up

Fourth of July Tutu: http://www.joyshope.com/2009/06/all-america-tutu.html

Fourth of July Mobile: http://www.growninmyheart.com/4th-of-july-crafts

Cookie Cutter Star Prints: http://amommysadventures.blogspot.com/2009/07/star-prints.html

Cupcake Liner Fireworks: http://www.teachingtwo.com/2009/06/29/fireworks-happy-4th/

Tear paper flag: http://moremillers.blogspot.com/2009/06/america.html

Window Decoration: http://scottandcrystal.blogspot.com/2009/06/stars-and-flags.html

Patriotic Wreath: http://www.frugalfamilyfunblog.com/2009/05/patriotic-wreath-craft.html

Handprint American Flag: http://michellesjournalcorner.blogspot.com/2009/06/kid-craft-handprint-american-flag.html

Food-

Red, White & Blueberry Skewers-http://www.makeandtakes.com/red-white-blueberry-skewers

Edible Rockets and Sparklers-http://thislittleproject.blogspot.com/2009/06/edible-sparklers-and-rockets-for-your.html

Otto Grows Down

Otto Grows Down is an adorable book written by Michael Sussman, that all children will enjoy.  I believe it could be especially beneficial for children hesitant about welcoming a younger sibling into their lives.

The book is about a little boy who goes back in time, all the way to the days he was an infant, after making a birthday wish that his baby sister had never been born.  It is so much fun to read and anticipate what will happen as time unwinds.  My daughter’s favorite part is when he brings the trash in on trash day, finds going to the bathroom “downright disgusting”, and takes baths that make you dirty.    The illustrations by Scott Magoon make it even more enjoyable.  The book would also be a good idea when teaching palindromes as all the names used in the book are the same forward and backward-Otto, Anna, Bob, Mom, and Dad. 

I have a fondness for the author, because he is trained in psychology, such as myself.  While my daughter enjoys it, I also anticipate using it when working with children having difficulty with a new sibling.  Actually, it is great to teach all children to be careful with their wishes. So often, books that are useful for working with children in therapy are serious and melancholy.  Fortunately, this book has a lot of humor and is upbeat! In our professional circle, there are certain books that all psychotherapists have, such as Freddie the Leaf.  I can see Otto Grows Down joining a special place on psychotherapists’ book shelf for years to come.  Certainly, you don’t have to be a therapist or have a little one struggling with sibling arrival issues to appreciate and wholeheartedly enjoy this book, however. 

You can purchase Otto Grows Down at Target.com for $11.66 or through several online book retailers such as Amazon and Barnes an Noble.

You can also learn more about Otto Grows Down HERE!

What is Bothering Carl?

Have you guys heard about Story Fort? If you haven’t, you’ve got to go check them out! Story Fort is a website with interactive books for kids.  I have the book, “What is Bothering Carl?” and love it!

What is Bothering Carl? is the tale of a young cyclops named Carl whose laid back attitude is disrupted by a single nuisance. Readers will discover Carl’s dilemma and follow along as he tries to solve his problem in this colorful interactive adventure. I think the characters are so cute! You can easily adore this digital book and can’t imagine any child not enjoying this story. 

  If you click on the objects in the book they come to life with sounds, animations, and more.  The book comes with a fun memory game too.  My favorite part are the songs.  I actually enjoy the music. Click below for an example of a song. 

So to summarize…

The book includes:

• 19 illustrated scenes that come to life with the simple click of a mouse

• Full (optional)
  audio narration by the author

• Highlighted phrases to help your child read along

• Illustrated keywords to build vocabulary

• Two original songs with animated music videos

• Bonus memory game with 3 difficulty levels

Right now, because of the situation of the economy, they have the books on sale for $9.99. 

The owner of this company used to be a leading designer for Melissa and Doug and we all know how great that company is!

So go on over to StoryFort today by clicking here. You can download the book and have it immediately. 

Georgian Wood Toys-A Review

Recently, I was lucky enough to discover Georgian Wood Toys. When I say lucky, I really mean it.  Being able to see, feel, and enjoy the toys this company offers is absolutely an enjoyable experience.  Since 2002, this company has been the sole provider of these toys imported from Georgia in North America.  The store invites visitors to their website to “come in, become a little child again, and share our enthusiasm.” If you take them up on their offer, you will not be disappointed.

Ooh and I love their mission! Their aim is for their toys to all have meaning, be artistic, and be of quality. 

I’ve obviously reviewed several companies that have wooden toys. What I appreciate about this company is that they explain just why wooden toys are so special:

• The child touches natural substances receiving the subtle nurturing qualities of warmth vs. the  numbing forces of cold received through synthetic substances.
• Allows space for the growth of the creative imagination.
• Toys of natural substances radiate beauty.
• Non-toxic finishes

This wonderful company sent me a family of bendy dolls to review. These are the most precious little dolls ever! The details are so splendid. All the little hand painted details make these not just dolls, but art.  Their little handmade clothing makes me so happy. Folks, these aren’t just dolls to be thrown about-they are heirlooms.  They are called bendy dolls because the material used to make their hands and legs can be bent and shaped to do all kinds of activities.  Below is a picture of Grandpa, Grandma, Mom, Dad, little girl, and little boy. They each retail for $18.70.

Here is a pic of the Grandma doll riding one of the turtles they sent. Notice all of grandma’s little details.   She has her painted on hair in a bun,glasses, sweet pink little cheeks. I just love her.

 

Here is a picture of the Dad doll. Because they are handmade there might be slight differences. The top one is the doll I have. 

 

Here is the mama doll. Mine looks a little different from this one but I didn’t have a good enough picture of mine to show you close up.

  Here is the grandpa doll. I love his little handmade vest. 

Isn’t the little girl sweet? I just love her little hat.

Look at the sweet little boy!

There are so many ways these little dolls can be played with.  Every child has a story to tell and these dolls are the perfect tools to tell the stories. Just today, we used the dolls to tell the story of Hansel and Gretel!

The next items I was sent to review are these cute little monkeys.  Georgian Toys describes this set as “Mother Monkey teaching her baby how to look for food.” Sells for $11.95 a piece or $28.00 for the family. My daughter loves playing with the monkeys and making them swing from imaginary treetops.  The wood is so smooth it provides a delightful sensory experience for your little one. 

Next up, we have this family of turtles. Today, we used them to reenact the story of the turtle and the hare. 

This is just one of those stores where I have to share as much as possible.  So…I’m going to go through each of their categories and show you my favorite picks. However, I encourage you to visit their website yourself to find your own favorite. Several different types are offered under each category.

Biblical Toys:

Wow, I’m so excited about these toys!

Here is the Adam, Eve, tree, and snake toy.

Domestic animals:

Several different animals are offered by my favorite is this set with a dog, doghouse, dish, and bone. Imagine the creative play this could bring!

Wild Animals:

My favorite is this elephant family.

Small Animals:

What cute little squirrels.

Wild Birds:

I love this peacock so much!

Ethnic Toys:

The items are so unique!

House and Furniture:

Have you ever seen a toy well before? I haven’t!

Action Toys:

I just adore this swing for the bendy dolls-

Transportation:

Train set on bridge-

  Fairy Tale: This is my favorite of all the categories.

Here are tree people-

Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs-

Little Red Riding Hood-

Knights and Warriors:

They also have some wonderful wooden puzzle toys such as these:

They also have felt toys on their website. Here are my faves-

Click here to be taken directly to their website.  Here shortly I will be having a giveaway for one of these items. The company was sweet enough to pass these on to me and I plan to pass along the love (though the toy will be oh so hard to part with!)  I’d love to hear what you think of them.  I’ve noticed that reviews with giveaways get so many more comments than those without giveaways. When I do a review, the companies read the comments. If you appreciate companies offering these types of toys, be sure to leave a comment so the companies know how you feel!  When I do have that giveaway, what I’m going to do is give anyone who enters 5 extra entries for commenting on this post! Stay tuned for the giveaway in a few weeks.Comments will be closed on this post in 2 weeks to be fair.